How to become Over Employed

On my YouTube channel I've got about 100+ videos proving how your current software development tools are basically retarded - And with tools I am referring to ...

Your programming language is retarded
Your software development process is retarded
Your so-called "best practices" related to software development are retarded
Your infrastructure technology such as your NoSQL database and message brokers are retarded
Your design patterns, such as Memento and Mediator are retarded
Scrum and Agile is retarded
O/RM is junk theory based upon a junk foundation (OO)
OOP is retarded
Etc, etc, etc ...

To sum it up, I could tell you that you're doing absolutely everything wrong - And I don't mean you're doing one or two things wrong, nope, I literally mean ...

YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG!!

Yup, somehow magically you managed to do everything wrong!

In fact, if I was your CTO, the first thing I would do would be to fire 100% of your devs, throw your existing process down into the toilet, SHIFT+DELETE your programming language and illegalise its usage within your organisation, and simplify the process down to the point where you'd have one developer, maintaining what needed 20+ dev heads previously, saving stuff straight to production - Yet still somehow magically provide you with 10x as many features, 10x as good security, and a million times as much scalability and performance - And it would be easy for me to handle somewhere between 50 to 100 such CTO jobs, being "over employed" to such an extent I could somehow deal with 100+ such CTO roles per year - And I'd still have time to enjoy my summer on the beach, while outperforming your previous CTO by a factor of 10x to 1,000x, depending upon how "knee deep in retarded theory" your current CTO is ...

Quality is about what you delete!

A lot of people believe that great software developers are those who knows all the design patterns, knows how to create SOLID code, based upon best-practice software development principles, resulting in DRY code, with great separation of concerns and encapsulation - And is willing to use these to the benefit of their employer.

The big joke is that the best software developers should know these practices, by heart - But they should also refuse to apply them 99.9999999% of the time, because these are best practices created by companies with needs that don't even vaguely resembles your needs. In addition, they're based upon generalisations, intended to result in middle of the road solutions, that rarely if ever are relevant to your current problems.

In addition, these so called "best practices" results in 10x as much code, 50x as much complexity, which again results in 1,000x as many bugs and security issues. Don't believe me, then please explain the below code ...

Hyperlambda versus C#

The above is the "best practices" solution for invoking a 3rd party API from an HTTP endpoint and returning the result to the caller. Basically a simple "gateway endpoint", allowing you to intercept the invocation, maybe to add credentials to access the 3rd party API, or something similar.

C# has 61 lines of code in 4 files
Hyperlambda has 6 lines of code in 1 file

If I added CQRS or Event Sourcing to the above C# code, you could probably add another 1,000 lines of code to its C# version, making the difference literally 1 to 200. And most "senior software developers" would easily want to add event sourcing and CQRS to the above for reasons I still don't understand, even though I've been creating code literally since I was 8 years old!

Job Interviews are BROKEN!

I've got 43 years of software development experience, 28 years as a professional. I've got 25 years old software built in C++ that's still being executed inside of every single bank that exists in Scandinavia, responsible for exchanging data for transactions that are probably exceeding one trillion dollars annually. I've also got code that runs in the largest hospitals on earth, in addition to code responsible for executing trades in platforms responsible for moving billions of dollars on a monthly basis.

I've got +10 million downloads at NuGet, in addition I created the most popular article written by an external contributor that Microsoft ever published, plus some 5 additional articles, that basically created so much fuss at Reddit, they're now sharing stories about how I am a "terrorist" and "a danger to society" - True story!! Yet still somehow, I'm expected to having memorised every principle of the word "SOLID" when I'm in an interview, and if I can't, some 25 year old HR employer, who wouldn't even understand "Hello World" if it was written in BASIC will reject me ...

If I'd go to an interview (notice, I wouldn't), but if I was somehow in an interview position for a software development job, I'd be expected to recite SOLID, explain how IoC works, provide an example of great encapsulation, define cohesion, and maybe do an exercise to demonstrate I could implement QuickSort in some rubbish semicolon-based programming language, that literally makes me want to vommit from its ugliness, while implementing it using the Mediator pattern to prove that I know "correct composition".

So basically, job interviews are "looking for all the wrong things"

If they on the other hand just ignored the interview, and gave me their specification, I'd be done with their backend before the end of the week - Literally! Notice, this is the same backend that 100+ dev heads have been smashing at for 10+ years, costing the employer some +20 million dollars to create ...

Rubbish Theory

You see, all of our "best practices" related to software development are fundamentally broken. If you believe I'm exaggerating, look at the above screenshot and please explain the difference. In the video below I am going through a couple of examples from my professional life, but actually, 100% of companies I've ever worked for have these same problems. And the problem is that they trusted "modern software development best practices" (read; Rubbish theory), and used it in their organisations, resulting in that they've now got a million lines of code, solving a problem I could probably solve in a couple of days, with less than 5,000 LOC - With the only difference being my code would be 10x as secure, 10x as performant, and 10x as scalable and easily maintained ...

I could be your CTO

The funny thing is, I could be your CTO, and I wouldn't even charge you more than $498 per month. By that I mean we're selling "cloudlets". A cloudlet is a backend software development and runtime environment allowing you to use Hyperlambda, giving you a similar productivity boost as I've got, and the enterprise plan comes with WhatsApp support.

All of our enterprise accounts gets access to me on WhatsApp, and unless you send me dozens of messages per day, I'll typically respond to you in a couple of minutes, helping you out when you're stuck. This implies I would help you out when you're stuck with some problem, while you get to reap the benefits - All you've got to do, is to convince your employer of the brilliance of Magic Cloud, and have your employer buy a plan - Or alternatively you buy a cloudlet yourself, and start working as a consultant delivering solutions to your clients, for recurring revenue may I add, since they'd need to pay you for hosting and support.

And if you want an on-site deployment of Magic, great, the thing is open source, and I'd probably be able to install it in your own Kubernetes cluster in a month, creating your cluster from scratch. That would be a TCO of roughly $50,000 for you, giving your organisation a productivity boost of 1,000x.

But, if you ask me if I'm interested in a job interview, I'll tell you to go jump off a cliff. Sorry mate, I'm not doing job interviews, for the same reasons I'm not doing Fentanyl. Besides, who should evaluate my experience? I've probably got more experience than your entire software development department has combined. And what questions would they ask me? Explain SOLID? Sure, I'll explain SOLID my dear HR employer ...

"SOLID is junk theory related to software development best practices, and it's costed our industry some roughly 11 trillion dollars in lost revenue the last 15 years, since it was proposed as a solution for how to build software, because it's based upon astronaut architectural principles that don't apply in the 'real world', and only results in more damage than good ..."

Do you think they'd give me the job ...? 😂